Marketing Expert

There are always challenges in business, said some business guru at some point. Running a small operation has never been more difficult what with the advent of internet ordering, globalisation and the domination of corporate monopolies. So how does one get ahead and survive, provide their chosen service, and hopefully turn a profit at the end of the day?

The answer is so simple. It's staring us in the face - everywhere you look success stories are built on the same foundation. And the best news is it's not specific to any particular business model. Whatever you're running, this is guaranteed to work. So listen up vendors and get ready for the super profits highway. As I said, it's a simple rule that anyone can follow.

I have some of the greatest ideas ever. Just for everything. I can come up with brilliant ideas like that (I just snapped my fingers). Really brilliant things, really quickly. Like that (I snapped my fingers again). This is about an idea I had for a movie that would easily make millions of dollars at the box office. The movie is called Laxative Effect.

Laxative Effect is about two young nerdy, goofy, awkward, fun loving, scientific inventor types--Steve and Winston--who create a ray gun that when pointed and fired at someone will cause their stomach and bowls to spasm and make them shit their pants. Steve and Winston have an arch nemesis, a jerk of an inventor named Richard Smart. Richard comes from an extremely wealthy family, his father being a famous industrialist. Due to this he has an extensive, well trained team of scientists and engineers backing him that give him the extra edge over our heroes Steve and Winston.

The movie starts at an extremely prestigious new inventions competition that takes place at an extremely prestigious university where we will see our two heroes (Steve & Winston) lose out to Richard (and his studious team).

After the competition there will be a confrontation between the two parties. Richard will brag about winning the competition, showing off his trophy. He will be berating them about how they are losers and laughing at their misfortune. His extremely attractive girlfriend will be at his side, further rubbing salt in the wound.

A few months later, disillusioned with his scientific inventing ability, Steve accidentally stumbles upon a scientific formula that enables one to store an energy that that when released upon a human will make their bowls empty of their own accord (see: making them shit their pants). He will call up Winston, who is now a comically depressed, unkempt alcoholic with a beard. Together they will work on their project (there will be a montage where they will be working in the lab, reading charts, just basically wearing lab coats and doing scientific and math related things, and ending with a shot of them doing some welding.

When they have the ray gun made, they will take it out onto the streets where they will spend time making members of the public shit their pants. There might be a comical montage of people shitting themselves, but I'm not sure if that would be too much or not...

At some point they will cross paths with Richard Smart and his team again, and again he will make fun of them. They decide to use the ray on Richard. They go out to their van (they will have a van!) to get the ray, and sneak up behind Richard. Just before they're about to fire it, one of Richards team members will yell out "HEY, WHAT IS THAT?" causing them to miss Richard and hit one of his underlings.

It will look like he has just shat his pants like the ray gun's other victims, but a few seconds later he will fall to the ground and we will see blood coming out the back of his pants. The ray actually caused his anus to prolapse, and guts to ... rupture (?). As Steve and Winston find out what happened, they will run out of the building, into their van and drive off. When they try to go back to their homes they will find police there waiting for them, and will soon later see news updates talking about how Richards team member had died in hospital, and that they had in fact killed him and were now wanted killers.

They proceed to make their way into Mexico...

The movie will skip forward a few months where Steve and Winston are now living in Mexico where they have both grown beards and are now working behind a bar, comically interacting with the gringos and pouring drinks. We will also find out that in those months Richard and his father will have a private army, hired hit men and bounty hunters to track them down...

The rest of the movie will be about them fighting off the people that are after them using the ray gun, as well as other booby traps and weapons they create out of fairly basic objects and their scientific minds. They'll end up taking a bunch of them out and the movie will end with them finding out that Richards dad has been dealing with corrupt cops and government officials and funding some kind of underground drug smuggling conspiracy. They will go to President Obama with their information and do a deal with him where they get off if they testify in court. In their meeting with Obama, he'll sheepishly ask them if the ray gun that makes people shit their pants is actually real or just a myth. They show him the ray and how it works, and as he's laughing his head off he offers to buy it off them for one billion dollars.

The movie will skip forward a few months and we find out our heroes are now living in a nice house, chilling out by the pool. They'll have robot butlers serving them cocktails, and lots of other neat inventions doing cool shit around the house.

The end.