The Farmer Wants A Nerd

Channel Nine
PO Box 27
Willoughby
NSW 2068

Dear Channel Nine,

Hi, how are you? Okay, I hope. I just wanted to write to you about an idea for a TV show I had that I think would be really kicking rad... In the past you have ran a show called “The Farmer Wants A Wife” which is all about a group of women all vying for the love of one farmer. Channel 7 have also had a TV show called “Beauty and the Geek” where some nerdy guys are trying to woo super attractive women.

Here’s my idea... you combine both of these programs together to form one mighty morphin’ super show called: THE FARMER WANTS A NERD!

The premise: A group of nerdy males go out into the country where they will work on a farm doing things like milking cows, and herding cattle about. All of this will be under the supervision of a grumpy old farmer who will berate them, yelling at them to (mockingly) get back to their computers and their internet chat rooms. He'll make fun of their iPods and scream at them about how he can't play his Kenny Rogers cassette tapes on that "piece of shit".

They will be forced to live in fairly poor conditions; most importantly with no electricity (this will be a big deal in the beginning where they learn they can’t use their computers!!). Some of the time they will even be living in tents, where late at night the farmer will stumble out in his underwear, slurring and swearing at them while violently swinging a shovel.

At the end of each episode they will all get into a massive argument and the one that shits the old drunken, prick of a farmer off the most gets a Jack Daniels bottle smashed over their head and they will leave the show (and be taken to the hospital).

There will be poignant, touching moments where the farmer will get along with his little nerds and they may even learn a little something from each other...

Three quarters of the way through the series a group of buff agriculture guys will come in and really impress the farmer with their knowledge of country life and farming abilities. They'll completely outshine the nerds when it comes to completing the day-to-day tasks of outback living, things like slaughtering cattle and throwing spears... But has the farmer grown a soft spot for the nerds?

The nerds will be playing for the chance to win one million dollars. Eden Gaha of Vidiot fame will be the host. On the series finale Eden will give the winner a giant bag of money that he will proceed to start throwing out to everybody in the live audience, but inside it will actually just be Minties.

Please let me know what you think about all of this, and if you would be at all interested in buying the idea from me. This isn’t really one of my better ideas, so I probably wouldn’t really need give me much money for it.

Anyway, thanks and keep up the great work!

Regards,

Matthew Ford